Ep 72- Solving Challenging Behaviour (with Dr. Ross Greene)

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If you are an educator, school administrator, parent, camp counsellor, or employer, chances are you’ve had experience with challenging behaviours.

So often, we focus on crisis-management and behaviour-modification to attempt to make challenging behaviours “go away,” but as we know, sticker charts and reward systems do little to encourage intrinsic motivation and, furthermore, do not address the underlying problems that cause the problematic behaviours.

I sat down with Dr. Ross Greene this summer to discuss his Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model in order to learn how we can solve some of the most challenging school behaviours.

Here are some things we discuss:

  • The Four Main Philosophies that guide Collaborative Proactive Solutions:
  1. Kids do well if they can.
  2. Your explanation guides your intervention.
  3. Be responsible to the hand you’ve been dealt.
  4. Challenging behaviours occur when certain demands and expectations exceed a kid’s ability to respond adaptively to their environment. It’s a method of communication.
  • The Three Main “Umbrella” Lagging Skills
  1. Flexibility/ Adaptability
  2. Frustration Tolerance
  3. Problem Solving
  • Inclusion through the lens of teaching lagging skills and taking an empathic approach to adapting to problems integrating 100% of the time within the classroom for 100% of tasks
  • The Most Important Skill for an educator to lead with
  • A Step-by-Step Framework to Implement CPS  
    1. Empathy Step: Information gathering from the student- “What is hard for you about___? How does that make it hard for you to ____?”
    2. Define Adult Concerns: Explain and articulate adult expectations
    3. Invitation: Collaboration on a solution (having the student come up with some possible solutions to the problem and coming to a realistic, mutually satisfactory solution. “I wonder if there is something we can do about ____ do that you can ____? Do you have any ideas?”
  • A Real World Example of CPS in Action: Dr. Greene takes us through a step-by-step example of the process
  • Dr. Ross Greene answers 2 audience questions related to: 
    • Teen peer pressure
    • School-Family Partnerships
  • Dr. Ross Greene’s book recommendation: Sara Laurence Lightfoot‘s The Essential Conversation

Dr. Ross W. Greene is the author of Raising Human Beings, Lost and Found, Lost at School, and The Explosive Child. Dr. Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over twenty years, and is now founding director of the nonprofit organization Lives in the Balance (LivesintheBalance.org), through which he disseminates the model of care—now called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions—described in his books. Dr. Greene’s research has been funded by the US Department of Education, the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the Stanley Medical Research Institute, and the Maine Juvenile Justice Advisory Group. He speaks widely throughout the world.

“We cannot solve problems with the same thinking that created them.”
Albert Einstein


Lives in the Balance
 is the non-profit organization founded by child psychologist Dr. Ross Greene, originator of the empirically supported Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) approach and New York Times bestselling author of the influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at SchoolLost & Found, and Raising Human Beings. 

Their vision is to foster collaboration and empathy, transform lives, and inspire change for all children (especially the most vulnerable), to heighten awareness of the detrimental and counterproductive effects of punitive interventions, and to address the systemic issues that impede our progress.

The mission of Lives in the Balance is to provide vital, accessible resources and programs to caregivers of behaviorally challenging kids; to bring the plight of these kids into the public consciousness; to address the systemic issues that cause many of these kids to slip through the cracks; and to promote parenting and disciplinary practices that foster the better side of human nature in all children. Their efforts are organized around the following initiatives:

Open Access: Through their Outreach initiatives — which include their website, their radio programs and Facebook groups, and their annual Summit — we ensure that parents, educators, mental health clinicians, and staff in restrictive therapeutic facilities have easy access to vast resources on the CPS model at little or no cost.

Lead the Change: Through their Advocacy efforts, they heighten awareness of the obsolete, counterproductive ways in which many behaviorally challenging kids are still treated; take action whenever we learn of schools and facilities that are treating kids — behaviorally challenging or not — in ways that are punitive, adversarial, and counterproductive; and provide consultation and training on non-punitive, non-adversarial, collaborative, proactive alternatives.

Fix The System: Through their proof-of-concept project — Invest in Maine’s At-Risk Kids (i-MARK) — we’re showing how a public-private partnership can eliminate many of the systemic issues that make it hard for at-risk kids and their families to access and receive the help they need. Once we’ve shown what can be done in one state, we’ll export the model to other states, provinces, and countries.

Lives in the Balance is a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit organization and your gift may qualify as a charitable deduction for federal income tax purposes. Our programs are funded by Dr. Greene and other philanthropic individuals and organizations. If you’re interested in supporting their vision and mission, please contact them by phone or by using the contact form on their website.

Byron Katie and Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations

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I was recently listening to Oprah Winfrey’s Supersoul Conversations Podcast (which is amazing, BTW) and stumbled upon a conversation with Byron Katie about a really fascinating way that we can elongate the space between stimulus and response (a Viktor Frankel reference about the way that we can have more ownership and agency over the way we react to the challenges that life hands us).

She has a great 4-question framework that has done wonders in terms of re-thinking the worst-case scenario narratives that often start ramping up when things go sideways. I wanted to share them with YOU!

Imagine you’ve made plans with someone and you just can’t seem to get ahold of them. Perhaps, you start thinking that they are trying to avoid you or, worse, you think that something terrible has happened to them. Whatever your thought cycle, here’s a framework that can help you to dig yourself out:

  1. Is it true? Can I absolutely know that this is TRUTH? This is likely a story I am telling myself about what might have happened. 
  2. How can I check that this is true? I could call. I could think back to past behaviours to see what might be in line with who this person usually is. 
  3. How do I react when I believe this to be true? Unkind? Vengeful? Tearful? Guilty? Mind attack? Certainty-seeking? Imagining the worst?
  4. Who would you be without that thought? Peaceful. Trusting. Worthy. Enough. Faith-filled. 

E 67 – How to be a Connection Ninja (With David Knapp-Fisher)

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How do you make authentic connections with people?

How can we teach kids to do the same?

What are some of the keys that will enable students to be successful in the uncertain future world they face?

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/kindsight-101/id1412489005?mt=2

I want to introduce you to my friend, David Knapp-Fisher, a connection ninja, speaker, author, world-traveller, and speaking coach.

In this episode, we talk about his journey as an advocate for his son living through muscular dystrophy, what it takes to set and achieve audacious goals, how self-education is the key to the future, the importance of service and gratitude in helping you get where you want, and the four steps to creating lasting connections with the people you serve.

We’ll talk about simple ways you can improve your (and your student’s) speaking through an easy formula.

We talk about the following game-changing books and authors:

– Tim Ferriss (Tools of Titans, 4 Hour Work Week)
– Richard Branson
– Tony Robbins
– Marc Marron
– Thoreau (Waldon)
– Mike Vardy
– Janelle Morrison
– Chris Gillebeau
– Jerry Lewis
– Jim Rohn

Can’t wait to hear your takeaways from this action-packed podcast.

Check out his TED talk here: https://youtu.be/t186tlhjvMk

Check out his website here: http://davidknappfisher.com

The 4 Secrets to Effective Teaching

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Picture for a moment, your ideal student. As Dan and Chip Health counsel us to do in their ground-breaking book The Power of Moments, fill in the following sentence with what makes sense to you:

Three-to -Five years from now, my students still know_____, are still able to do _____, or will continue to find value in _________.

Great teachers or mentors manage to maintain high expectations for their students, expressing the knowledge they have that their students will be capable of meeting those high expectations, and that if failure should come knocking, that they will be there to support the recovery.

When we are able to stand alongside a student with our unwavering belief in them, great things can happen. Students can develop an enhanced self-insight and self-worth that will serve them forever.

“I expect you to do X and I believe you have the power, intelligence, and ability to do so. I will be here alongside you should you need my guidance or support. I believe in you more than you know!”

What do you want your students to come away from your class knowing or being able to do? How might this apply to your role as the parent of your children?

 

Shame vs. Humiliation vs. Guilt vs. Embarrassment (Brené Brown)

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Have you ever wondered what the difference between shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment are?  Often we use these words interchangeably, but Dr. Brené Brown has so beautifully described the difference between the 4 terms:

  • Shame is “I am bad”  Shame is a focus on self. Imagine you’ve worked really hard to prepare a presentation with a coworker for an important staff meeting. One of your responsibilities was to prepare the powerpoint. You forget to save the file onto your computer and, as a result, your coworker is disappointed. If you feel shame, your immediate thought pattern is that you’re a bad person. “I’m the worst co-planner ever. I am such a loser for forgetting that powerpoint.”
  • Guilt = “I did something bad”  Guilt is a focus on behavior. If your self talk is : “ahh. I can’t believe I did that.  That was such a crappy thing to do,  I made such a poor choice not to back up my work!”  That’s guilt.

Our self-talk really matters and often frames the way we move through our relationships. Shame is highly correlated to aggression, addiction, depression, suicide, bullying, eating disorders, whereas guilt- the ability to separate who we are from our actions-without degrading our worth.

Guilt is inversely correlated to these same outcomes.  So, it’s much better for our mental health to focus on behaviour, even when we’re speaking in jest about ourselves.

  • Humiliation. With humiliation results in the same physiological response as shame except that you don’t believe you deserve the treatment:  sweaty palms, wish that the ground would swallow you up, wanting to make yourself small, nervous laughter… Dr. Brené Brown uses a school example:

A teacher is handing back papers and one of the students doesn’t have their name on the paper and the teacher calls the kid stupid:  If that child’s self-talk is “that is the meanest, most nasty teacher ever, I didn’t’ deserve that” What that child is likely experiencing is humiliation. As a parent or caregiver- I’m going to hear about that when the kid gets home- because they’re going to be angry and hurt and want to share it.  If the child’s self talk is immediately “ ugh. She’s right, I’m so stupid, why do keep forgetting to put my name on my paper, I’m so stupid,”  Thats shame.”

  • Embarrassment-it isn’t rooted in shame, is often funny and fleeting, and it doesn’t make you feel alone (it’s usually some universal human experience). Just think of that time that you put your sweater on backward and the tag was sticking out for the better part of an afternoon lunch with friends. Once you realize your mistake, it could leave you a little red-faced, but you know deep down that it’s human and that other people have done the same.

Shame is not funny.

Shame leaves one feeling alone and isolated.

E 63 – Inspiring a BE KIND Culture (With Roman Nowak)

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https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/kindsight-101/id1412489005?mt=2

Ever wonder what the key to engagement for your students can be?

How can connection be the key to achievement for our students?

How do we tear down the incorrect beliefs we have that other teachers are perfect?

Roman Nowak is a highschool teacher in Rockland, Ontario, Canada. A veritable kind of kindness, he hosted the #BEKINDedu chat on twitter with Eli Casaus and now hosts the #buildhope chat, has a blog, and makes kindness his mission.

You’ll learn some actionable ways to infuse kindness into your daily practice as a teacher and practical ways to build positive class culture.

You won’t want to miss this inspiring conversation with Roman Nowak.

You can find him at mrromannowak@wordpress.com
Books we talked about:

– Culturize (Jimmy Casas)
– Kids Deserve it (Adam Welcome)
– Teach Like a Pirate (Dave Burgess)

How to Build Trust in Hostile Environments

Building Trust in Hostile Environments

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

A friend of mine, who works in a factory-type workplace, took it upon herself to be a little innovative. She realized that the 2-component job she was doing was inefficient. Everytime she attached the fabric to the frame of a piece of furniture she was making, she was losing time picking up and putting down different tools. So, she decided to batch her work. She’d build 10 items, then switch tools and continue the second component of the job. She shaved minutes off the process and felt very successful. Except, a company like this values automation, rule-following, and process over innovation and creativity. The floor supervisor walked by her station and immediately lost his mind on her. What was she thinking going outside of the confines of the pre-determined process? He went straight to his supervisor, who then reprimanded my friend. Finally, after lunch, the issue was brought up once more in front of the other employees, stating weakly that they didn’t want to “single anybody out.” Right…My friend felt the eyes of her disapproving coworkers watching her throughout the meeting and felt flushed with shame.

When we think of the way we deal with students and the manner in which they often deviate from the processes we establish in our classrooms, how do we respond? Does that response contribute to or sabotage an environment of trust and creativity?

Dr. Darryl Stickel is a consultant who works with world-renowned organizations to develop trust. In fact, his favourite work is building trust in hostile environments.

He outlined some key rules that any leader can use to foster a sense of trust and three key qualities that foster trustworthiness.

Every leader has three levers at their disposal that enable trust within the organization. Here are the qualities and the questions you can ask to evaluate whether you are using these qualities as effectively as possible:

  1. Ability – Are you capable in your job? Do people trust in your abilities to get the job done?
  2. Benevolence – Do you have people’s best interests in mind and do they believe it? Do you think about the needs of the people you serve or do you think first of advancing your own mission and goals?
  3. Integrity – Does your behaviour reflect the values you hold dear? Are your actions consistent with your beliefs? Do you follow through on your promises?

Trust is the willingness to make yourself vulnerable to another party when you could choose to do otherwise and when you cannot be certain that they will act in your best interests.

People often base trust off of the balance between perceived uncertainty (How likely am I to be harmed?) and perceived vulnerability (How badly will it hurt?). If you can decrease the risk in both of these areas for the people you serve, the higher the trust will be in your organization, school, or classroom.

When I think about my friend, her trust in the organization for which she works is rock bottom. How can you increase the trust people have in you? Start asking some of those important questions.

 

E 61 – Tumbling into Success through Kindness and Faith (with Ruban Rebalkin)

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What do business and generosity have in common? How does someone grappling with their own mortality bounce forward stronger than ever, with a newfound understanding of what matters in life? How do we teach what truly matters to our own children through our honest modelling?

In this very special episode, you’ll meet Ruban Rebalkin, a loving father, husband and the Owner and operator of Tumblebums (a local toddler playcentre business that saved my sanity on numerous occasions when my two were little.

I invited Ruban onto KindSight 101 because his story of resilience, courage, and faith is inspiring to anyone-parents, teachers, humans alike. He overcame some of the most challenging circumstances when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer with a baby daughter, bounced forward, and continues on to pay-it-forward to the community through the work that he does serving families. He provides hope for those going through dark times and does it with grace and humour. This story has the power to shift a person’s perspective on what matters in life and the importance of generosity in creating community. You can learn more about Ruban by searching Tumblebums online. Hope you enjoy our conversation!

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/kindsight-101/id1412489005?mt=2

E 60: Supporting Students through Learning Challenges (With Delphine Rule)

 

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/kindsight-101/id1412489005?mt=2

Have you ever wondered what to do when a child in your class has a learning disability? How does one adequately ensure that the child maintains a strong sense of self, in spite of the fact that he or she may feel as though he/she is losing a race. What about parents? How do we support parents in navigating the rocky terrain related to having a child with learning difficulties? If you’ve ever taught or had a child with learning challenges, you’re going to love this conversation. You’ll learn some of the practical adaptations you can do at home and school. You’ll also learn the one thing you’ll need heading into a parent-teacher conference.

Delphine Rule is the mother of three children, two of whom have ADHD as well as learning disabilities. And she, herself, has a learning disability. She has spent the last 14 years working with students with learning challenges, both in and out of the classroom. Parents often have questions that are not always answered. Her goal is to be that support and sounding board for families through Access to Education.

https://www.access2education.com/about

 

One of the videos mentioned in the podcast…

 

E 59 – Trauma, Meat Trays, and Bottom Hands Only

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If you want to make a big impact on those around you, to truly make positive change in your school, workplace, and community, check out this game-changing episode with the one and only, Dr. Jody Carrington!

In this episode, we talk about trauma, ways to connect with the kids in our lives, and some of the ways we can take care of ourselves along the way.

Jody is a passionate believer in the power of the relationship with the people
we love, lead, and teach. Her favorite thing on the planet to do is to speak with
educators – they have the power to change the trajectory of a life every single day.
It is time, she believes, that we need to start focusing less on Kids These Days, and
more on those of you who hold them. The core of everything she speaks and writes
about comes down to this: We are wired to do hard things. We can do those hard
things so much easier when we remember this: We are wired for connection.

Jody Carrington is a clinical psychologist, mom, wife, author, minor hockey coach, and game changer. She grew up in rural Alberta and was inspired by a teacher, way back when, to pursue a career in psychology. She received her undergraduate degree (with distinction) from the University of Alberta, and her Masters Degree and PhD from the University of Regina, in Saskatchewan, Canada.
After completing her residency in Nova Scotia, Canada, she spent ten years working at the Alberta Children’ Hospital on the Mental Health In- and Day Treatment Units in Calgary. After having an (impressive) three babies in two years, she and her (lucky) husband Aaron moved to rural Alberta, where they currently live. There she runs a small private practice, is growing her business of changing the world, and raising her sweet babes.

You can find her on social media by searching Dr. Jody Carrington (and join her on Facebook/Instagram Live on Sundays at 8pm CST) or at www.drjodycarrington.com

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